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Phi for All

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Everything posted by Phi for All

  1. No need to apologize, it happens. I'm glad they found their way home. Thanks, Say!
  2. One of my favorites, but it's long: Three men were standing in line to get into heaven. St. Peter motions the first one to come forward and tell how he died. The man replies, "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. I live on the 10th floor so I snuck up the stairs and tried to sneak into our apartment but I used the wrong key the first time. I finally burst into the apartment and ran to the bedroom. My wife was naked in bed but I searched everywhere and couldn't find anyone. Then I looked out the kitchen balcony and saw a guy running down the fire escape. I was so angry the only thing I could think to do was roll the refrigerator to the balcony and heave it over. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony." "I see. Well, you may enter," said St. Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and St. Peter asks for his story. "You see, I live on the 5th floor of my apartment building, and I was late for work this morning so I decided to take the fire escape. Just as I reached the ground, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and kills me, and now I'm here." St. Peter says, "Hmmm, interesting. You may enter." St. Peter asks the third man to come forward and tell his story. "Well, sir, it's like this: I'm hiding in this refrigerator, minding my own business..."
  3. A great joke is like a great skirt: short enough to maintain attention, and long enough to cover the subject.
  4. I do this too when something is high priority, like I have a flight to catch in the morning. I set the alarm and then wake up way before that like THIS will be the day the clock decides to stop working or the power will go out or the sun won't rise... I guess this is more an internal clock problem that's more akin to the light sleeping rather than the ability to go to sleep quickly.
  5. You've got youth, power, fame AND the keenest grasp of math on the web. We're not worthy! Btw Sayonara, in the poll, did you put yourself down as 15-25, or 25-35, or did you vote twice?
  6. Blike, are you a light sleeper as well? I wake up if I hear a noise that's not supposed to be there. I don't wake up for wind and storm noises, cars going by the house, house settling noises and things like that, but I wake up every time I hear my five-year-old open her bedroom door. invisiblebrain, it would be interesting to know if the people who can sleep immediately are also heavy sleepers, too.
  7. I've always had problems with what I call "the monkeys". My head hits the pillow and even though I'm tired, I begin to think about things. The monkeys start to play and my mind bounces around in its cage from thought to thought. I've learned since posting in online forums that I have to give myself a good twenty minutes to unwind after posting or I'll keep thinking of certain threads. I've heard that some people who've done combat tours in the military have learned to make themselves fall asleep almost instantly because they never know when their next chance may be.
  8. I'll make Ms. DNA feel young again! 47/M/USA. invisiblebrain, you're supposed to respect your elders, not dominate them!
  9. The last dimension in M-theory was to account for the need for a full ten spatial dimensions plus one temporal, but I think Witten placed time as the familiar fourth dimension. If I'm not mistaken (and I often am), the final dimension was added to account for gravitons crossing multiple parallel universes to account for its relatively weak force when compared to the other three forces. I've even heard that many physicists are starting to believe the electromagnetic and the weak nuclear forces are one and the same due to the similarities between the wave functions of EM and radiation.
  10. I'm familiar with Witten's M-Theory. Though the higher dimensions are needed for the maths involved in the whole string-based concept, I am asking if they merely give perspective on one another since they are all said to be spatial. I can wrap my mind around a fourth spatial dimension, giving perspective to the three we can see. But are the others just there to add perspective layers to what we perceive?
  11. Are the higher spatial dimensions there simply to give perpective on each other or is there some other purpose for them?
  12. Naw, the funniest joke ever is this one (please forgive the stereotyping, all my Jewish friends out there):A man walks into a synogogue one Saturday and kneels to pray. "God, it's me, Abraham Moscowicz. I've never asked you for anything before, but things are pretty grim for me right now. Please let me win the lottery." Next week he's back, praying, "God, it's Abe again. I didn't win. Please, please, please, just this once, let me win the lottery!" Next week he's back again, "God, I'm begging you, I don't ask for much, I'm on my knees, I really need to win the lottery PLEASE!" The following week, after an even more hysterical prayer, the synogogue is filled with a bright light, and a booming voice from above says, "Abellah, you've got to meet me half way on this thing. BUY A LOTTERY TICKET!!!"
  13. Patient: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my a**!" Doctor: "Really? I've got some cream for that." Great one-liner: "I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like the people riding with him."
  14. You should check out YT2095's web site. On it he has a document written by a munitions expert about chemical weapons. I found it very informative. They are hardly WMDs. They are used to keep an enemy from staying in certain limited areas. Leave the area, leave the threat of danger.
  15. Best hunting joke: Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his phone and calls emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: "Take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the hunter says, "Ok, now what?"
  16. I wondered about that myself. In the past, most administrations have been very leery about calling something a war when war has not been declared. I've heard Bush himself call it a war on many occasions, such as when defending Rumsfeld he stated, "He's been Secretary of Defense through two wars..." Apparently Afghanistan was a war as well.
  17. Okay, one more, then I gotta get to work. Great modern religious joke: A man is being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy street. Suddenly, the light turns yellow, just in front of him. He does the decent thing, and stops at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by speeding through the intersection. The tailgating woman goes mental, blaring the horn, screaming in frustration as she misses her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she is still screaming at him, she hears a tap on her window and looks up into the face of a police officer. The officer orders her to get out of the car with her hands up. He takes her to the police station where she is searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approaches the cell and opens the door. She is escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer is waiting with her personal effects. He says, "I'm very sorry for the mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and swearing a blue streak. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."
  18. A couple of quickies I heard recently: The real reason the Bush administration is so upset about the Iraqi prisoner abuse scandal is they fear people will realize they were caught lying about sex. Surgeons say politicians are the easiest people in the world to operate on. They have no guts, no heart and no spine, and their heads and a**es are interchangeable.
  19. A homeless man knocks on the door of a big mansion. When the lady of the house answers he explains that he'd like a handout so he can buy some food. The lady says, "I didn't get to be rich by handing out money to vagrants. If you want money from me, you'll have to work for it!" The man says he doesn't mind working to earn the money and asks what she wants him to do. "Paint the porch around back and I'll give you $20. You'll find the paint & equipment in the shed. And," the lady adds, "you'd better do a good job or you'll get nothing!" An hour later the man knocks on the front door again. When the lady answers he tells her he's through and asks for his money. The lady exclaims, "It's a huge porch! It should have taken you all day! You couldn't possibly have done a good job. I'm not paying you a penny! Now get out of here before I call the police!" The man says, "I did do a good job! I was very careful. And for your information, it's not a porch, it's a Mercedes!"
  20. So the law isn't the ethical problem. You are assuming she'll never tell anyone who might report you. Since I didn't get answers to all my questions, I'm going to assume this girl is 14 or 15 (any younger and you are definitely in trouble in many ways). I'm also assuming you were not pushing her away as she was kissing you, so you've already given her your consent. Ethics comes into it because you must feel she is too young to know what she is doing. What you really need to find out is where she wants this all to lead. Why does she want this so badly? Does she want a quick fling? Does she want to lose her virginity? Does she want a relationship? Does she want to make her parents angry? Does she want you to buy her booze? Does she want to hang out with someone older who's attracted to her, and thinks that you'll only do that if she sleeps with you?
  21. Sorry, it didn't have a cat in it. (See post #32)
  22. Maybe this will help:A guy goes skydiving for the first time. After he jumps out of the plane, he counts to ten, pulls the ripcord, and nothing happens. Only a little worried, he pulls the cord for the auxiliary parachute, but unfortunately, the chute still does not appear. As he is plummeting toward the Earth, he sees a woman coming up the other way. He shouts to her "Do you know anything about parachutes?" "No", she says, "do you know anything about gas stoves?"
  23. Favorite heaven joke: A rich man who was near death was very sad because he had worked so hard for his money and he wanted to take it with him to heaven. So he began to pray that he might be able to take some of his wealth with him. An angel hears his plea and appears to him. "Sorry, but you can't take your wealth with you." The man implores the angel to speak to God to see if He might bend the rules. The man continues to pray that his wealth could follow him. The angel reappears and informs the man that God has decided to allow him to take one suitcase with him. Overjoyed, the man gathers his largest suitcase and fills it with pure gold bars and places it beside his bed. Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Gates of Heaven to greet St. Peter. Seeing the suitcase St. Peter says, "Hold on, you can't bring that in here!" But, the man explains to St. Peter that he has permission and asks him to verify his story with the Lord. Sure enough, St. Peter checks and comes back saying, "You're right. You are allowed one bag, but I'm supposed to check its contents before letting you through." St. Peter opens the suitcase to inspect what the man found too precious to leave behind and exclaims, "You brought pavement?!!!"
  24. Favorite Bush joke: Cheney here's a big, "YEEEEE-HAH!" come from the Oval Office. He rushes in and Bush tells him, "Boss, I just finished this jigsaw puzzle in record time!" Cheney sighs and says, "That's great junior. How long did it take you?" Bush replies, "Two weeks!" Cheney asks, "What's the average time?" Bush says, "Well, the box says 2-4 YEARS!"
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