Novalocity

My entire life since I can remember I have felt this way. I know I am young but that shouldn't be the excuse for negative emotions daily. My Father refuses to let me live my life so I focus all my energy on the future betterment of it. I understand my siblings situations, but don't understand my situation. I think everybody should be created and treated equally. I have more understanding of others reasoning and choices than I do my own. I have tried many techniques to make changes and nothing does. I appreciate what you are all saying, and obviously you don't know the whole situation so you can't give the proper and specific advise, such as telling me exactly what to do or say to improve the issue. I joined the military for two reasons 1) To be provided with the family and friends that I lack in civilian life and 2) For proper order and specific instruction at all times. I prefer order in my life, and maybe that is part of the issue. I stick to my routine and fear change while also wanting change. This should probably become a psyche evaluation, because my problems in life stem from my own mental disdain. 

1 minute ago, dimreepr said:

Go for it, just try to be real...

Always. "No gimmick, My gimmick is brutal honesty" 

I am aspiring to be a rap artist and write lyrics every day. 

41 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

but only if one acknowledges all the important aspects of the lives under that roof.

I have a sister who is a year younger and she already gets treated like an adult while making constant bad choices and acting very childish constantly. It's an unfair situation, completely based off of nothing. There is no reason I can see that makes my Father treat us differently. I know a lot of the causes of the problems I just don' t know how to fix the issues. I can't write to my Father about this or speak to him because he just gets mad and becomes to aggressive to listen. I know exactly why he thinks what he thinks and does what he does but I personally have no idea how to make him realize. 

Just now, dimreepr said:

Are you sure about that?

Yes, actually I am 100% sure. There have been studies on fan commitment in different genres.

I guess I mean more the psychology behind it because rap has always had the most influence over it's fans ever since the beginning. I'm not sure if it's just subject matter or if it is just the history behind it's creation.

Rap along with music in general can develop people and affect them to change their perspective, and their personalities. My question for you is, Why is rap considered one of the most influential music genres to affect people compared to other genres in this world? I know that personally I have had a lot of influence from rap music specifically and it has changed the way I act, speak, and even see the world. 

On 9/6/2018 at 1:09 PM, Phi for All said:

I know you hit your 1st day limit of 5 posts, but I'd like to know what you think negatively about. Is it mostly about how things/people/events in the world are, or about how you are? 

I think negatively about the many things that stay constant in my life that I can't seem to change. My social life, my family, and my daily routine. I am constantly controlled by my Father and it limits me to live a routine that causes resentment in my life. It causes the negative attitude throughout my days and I try to change it every day but can't seem to succeed. The way I see it is, I am 18 so legally an adult, I have spent months in training that most cannot force themselves to achieve in order to earn the title of an American Soldier, and have proven throughout my life that I can make the correct choices when given opportunities; Therefore I should be allowed the freedom to make the choices to change the constant for the better and step out of the routine.

5 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Your negativity is a choice, so look for small ways to make your life more positive. 

Why do I choose to remain negative? I started making changes in order to appreciate the small positive aspects of my life.

The way I have seen is that life can never be what you make it, you can only make changes to your life but never actually have a true effect on life or the way of living. My age is more likely going to be the downfall in bringing up topics on this website because "with age comes knowledge". I have made many changes in my life in order to positively effect it but my negative mentality remains no matter what I do. I am currently in my senior year of high school and can't motivate myself to do what's right not because of any real reason, but more out of knowledge. I used independent studies to get ahead of what I am expected to be learning causing me to be able to easily do the work, yet I still find the idea of wasting my time with such a minute experience as school. I am constantly told "Only you can change your life", but with every new decision nothing ever truly changes.

I personally believe we are purely here for progression. Not the progression of a race or species but the progression of us, as one. Every life we live is one that brings us closer to becoming an end goal such as a divine. We learn with every life we live and slowly become better. Throughout our daily lives we live as individuals but we are all one. Hitler and those he slaughtered, Jesus and all his disciples, Gandhi and all that he inspired. I believe we die to come back and live another experience. This is also why newer generations tend to be more open minded and fluent with themselves. We slowly grow until we have lived every possible outcome in the future and the past. Eventually we will be able to remember every life we've lived and realize all we have done, together, apart, and alone all to form one with pure knowledge in the end.

I like to consider myself a visionary. I have constantly been told I have idealistic views about life and that I am a rare form of "real" person that sees life differently. I am still young and have always looked toward the big picture instead of the goals I must accomplish in order to achieve this outcome. I make rap music, but I dream of the end goal and not the process. This stifles me in many ways. Being a lyricist is a complex mission. You have to learn many things and put forth full dedication in order to gain improved trade skills. This is especially the case if you want to use your writings to change others perspective on life or certain subjects. You must see the journey to achieve your end goal. 

I just have been feeling very unsure about my place in life. I have never been tested for any mental illnesses but believe I might have some. I experience constant negative emotions towards life in general; including my obligations in the military, my music, and school. I would like to see how others validate their life in terms of worth, and ability.