Novalocity

5 minutes ago, Strange said:

surely thinking about things is good?

 

True but rumination is normally classified as overthinking which can have negative outcomes both internally and externally. Rumination is usually accompanied by abstract autobiography memory. Thus, the negative effect caused by concrete thinking influences problem processing and solving and may eventually cause psychological discomfort

I have been reading articles about rumination and was wanting to hear whether it is possible to have positive effects from rumination. I definitely like to mull over the negative until it is all I can see, but socially I have been very successful thanks to this. Thoughts?

3 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

He should be happy then. Let him know you've figured out how to be more positive, and you'll be working on figuring it out even better.

I think you misunderstand my relationship with my Father. We hate each other.

9 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Even if you think it would do no good, if anybody in your family makes you feel negatively, you should let them know that's not how you want to be anymore. "I'm working on a more positive perspective, and I'd love to have your help." If you can learn to say that with a smile, they'll be more likely to believe you. 

I've told my Father before, he just says to figure it out.

9 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Excellent! Good choice. Now that you have well-defined parameters of what negative looks like, you need to learn what to do when it shows up unwanted, because it will and that's life. Don't be afraid to tell people you're trying to be more positive, and you'd appreciate their help, especially if you find yourself in a situation that falls back into bad old patterns. 

I have nobody to tell.

4 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

Changing your emotions is like starting with a clean slate, or escaping from your problems. It can't be done. But you can change the way you think of them.

Negative is relative. It's negative to tell lies, but when a child learns to lie it's a signal to behavioral experts that the kid is thinking ahead to make its future better. Fear can be viewed as negative, but it also keeps us sharp and makes us cautious. Even hate often helps us define love.

I'm willing to bet that your perspective, focusing on negative feelings, has also helped you define what you think is fair and good and just. You know what the positive should be because you know the negative. It's not a matter of changing your emotion, but in using it positively. 

I have learned from the negativity, but I have also come to realize that I have learned enough from it and would like to feel some positivity in my life.

3 minutes ago, iNow said:

Happiness is a choice. 

It’s not always an easy choice, and there are often biological/psychopharmacological obstacles to making it, but it very much is a choice  

Giving to others and being charitable makes that choice easier. 

Finding ways to feel gratitude in each passing moment makes that choice easier. 

Regularly connecting with good people and friends makes that choice easier. 

Implementing a regular schedule of exercise and ritual of meditation makes that choice easier. 

Getting better sleep and having a healthy diet makes that choice easier. 

I hope you choose to find this post useful. 

I constantly give to others, exercise, meditate, diet, and get 9 hours of sleep a night. The only thing I don't have is good people and gratitude. I do appreciate this post though. 

6 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

You've been given actual help, but it's all on you to accept it, unfortunately, you expect your problems to be solved, just because you ask...

What actual help? I have been given nothing in terms of advice. Excluding "it's your choice" 

1 minute ago, Ten oz said:

When your environment and daily routine changes the way you feel daily will most likely follow. School, Service, and etc will pose challenges and stresses you have yet to experience and those experience should impact your out look. It is a natural process. You just need to give it time. 

So just continue waiting for happiness? 18+ years isn't enough yet? I'm not looking for total happiness, just a moment.

2 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

So, who gets to decide?

This is my decision, I'm asking for actual help not just being told its all on me. Because when I try to fix the issue it doesn't fix.

1 minute ago, dimreepr said:

What do you expect if you fall asleep accepting that?

What makes you angry? Accepting the bus will be late or expecting the bus is on time?

I drive to school so I can't use that bus metaphor, and I don't get angry I remain dull. It's one constant emotion.

2 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

Do you think you're winning?

What? I'm asking for advice. This isn't a game, this is my life and I truthfully have no idea what to do. Advice such as "It's your choice" is not helpful. I have made changes to try and affect my negativity, but still every day I wake up full of negativity. 

Just now, dimreepr said:

That's your choice...

This entire conversation has proven that it's not my choice.

Just now, dimreepr said:

What makes you think acceptance is a negative emotion? 

No, I'm saying the emotions I feel are negative that's why I don't accept them and instead search for ways to change my daily emotions.

Just now, dimreepr said:

That is the double-edged sword humans face daily, knowledge is our Achilles heel; does a dog overthink a feeling, or just accept it? 

Why would I accept a negative emotion?

1 hour ago, Phi for All said:

 Do you think there's any way you can start practicing being disdain-free over the next 11 months? The stimuli that you react negatively to will still be there, but since you know when it will end, can you start with those blocks and build a positive perception of yourself? 

 

I don't know how to change how I naturally feel daily.

6 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

Why wait until the second page, of this thread, to mention that?

I made it apparent that music is a large part of my life from the beginning. I write lyrics every day because it is a proper escape from my daily disdain and helps me with my mental regression of negativity, I thought I was more clear about the fact that my entire life is only Music and Military. 

1 minute ago, dimreepr said:

More because you seem determined to pursue your misery.

Music is the only thing that helps me fight the misery. I can escape into the lyrics.

4 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

You seem to be the quintessential Holden Caulfield. Kinda reminds me of a previous member...

An icon for teenage rebellion? Just because I want to pursue music?

16 hours ago, Phi for All said:

Besides the military, are you going to be taking any college courses? If you're moving out, can you live cheaper on a base, or would it be better to have some roommates to share expenses? 

 

I am going to college for music engineering, and music business. I have it planned to live with my friend near my college in a house because he has saved money and so have I, also I get $10,000 after AIT. That will be a nice add-on to the start of my individual life away from home. 

26 minutes ago, koti said:

Stick around, theres quite a few knowledgeable people here to learn from.

 

For sure

1 minute ago, Phi for All said:

If your dad makes your life harder, why do you allow him to be part of it? What is keeping his negativity in your life?

 

I have no choice at the moment because I am still in high school and live in his house. I don't have enough money to move out until next August when I get $10,000 from the military.

51 minutes ago, koti said:

Novalocity only joined Thursday and he already knows we're all playas here.

Word.

Word Homie

I have nobody else to turn to and I figured on a website such as this one the individuals involved would be able to understand more clearly the issue, but I guess I had just overestimated the abilities of others. Everything suggested so far has been attempted countless times. See, what my Father does is not the normal parental restriction that I take as some sort of exaggerated super control. It is pure over control over me, it isn't for some better purpose. He does not show any signs of some motive to improve my well being. He is actually specifically just making my life harder. There is no talking with him, I know because I've tried many times. I am aware it is easier to evaluate other's issues that is why I brought it to the online world for advising that I can't provide for myself.

5 minutes ago, Phi for All said:

You feel this way about others, or about yourself?

Myself.

3 hours ago, Phi for All said:

 Please define "mental disdain".

 

The feeling that someone or something is unworthy of one's consideration or respect; contempt. 

37 minutes ago, dimreepr said:

Everyone has choices but no one can decide for you, people can give you advice, some good some not, but you'll only find out which is which when you choose.

 

The whole point is my choices are not causing changes.