Silvestru

Months of being cautious, refraining from social happenings and travel, washing my hands 50 times a day and wearing a mask to the toilet and there we go - we both got Covid me and my partner. We are 4-5 days into it, the test results came in today. She's got a moderate fever (38,5C) and lost her taste and smell, I only lost my strength and I'm sleeping 2 hours during the day 3rd day in a row. We are both caughing a little, our 4.5 year old kid seems completely fine. Christmas is going to be really awesome this year, what a f joke 2020 is. I'm pissed as hell, the vaccine is just a couple weeks away and we didn't make it. 

I can hardly wait till EHT releases the black hole photo this Wednesday.

I can hardly wait till EHT releases the black hole photo this Wednesday.

I can hardly wait till EHT releases the black hole photo this Wednesday.

Moving to UK in May/June.  
Home of many important people: The queen, Freddy Mercury, StringJunky and DrP among others.

Was bored and listening to a podcast with Brian Cox randomly and there was a question about online science related arguments. 
I spat out what I had in my mouth and was listening carefully in hopes that he would mention swansont. 
#WeForgiveButWeNeverForget
hahaha

I'm gonna be a Grandpa! 

Welcome back and Happy New Year Mordred.

Why was this holiday turned into a shopping spree? Damn you Consumerism and Marketing.
I have to buy presents now and I don't know what to do. I don't even want anything!

Even though I have not met any of you guys in RL I dreamt yesterday that I was hanging out with a few members from the forum. Really strange dream. You guys looked like rockers but dressed business casual and the setting was an office space. I don't know why I'm sharing this haha

Even though I have not met any of you guys in RL I dreamt yesterday that I was hanging out with a few members from the forum. Really strange dream. You guys looked like rockers but dressed business casual and the setting was an office space. I don't know why I'm sharing this haha

Important assessment tomorrow at the job. The topic is transfer pricing . Wish me luck! In case I fail send me a location under a bridge or smthn where I can hibernate during the winter.

Anybody else staying up tomorrow night to watch the election results in eager anticipation of which bad direction our country is headed in next?

Anybody else staying up tomorrow night to watch the election results in eager anticipation of which bad direction our country is headed in next?

I miss the Medieval days where if someone was annoying you could just claw, mangle and thrash them in the face or be be mangled. Nowadays the people I want to punch are bothering  me via phone, e-mail, letters, TV. It's frustrating to point a closed paw to the TV screen....

I was trying to be good and save money this year and I just got a big fine for 1 day delay in paying the car insurance. The two are not related but damn. Life has a way of kicking you when you're up... or down for that matter.

My cousin Jeff Stewart died this morning. Jeff was more than a cousin, he was my brother in so many ways, the way only a real brother can be. One of the few people I have ever known who was basically a good person no matter what situation he found himself in. It's difficult to wrap my head around the fact a world can exist without Jeff in it.

Strange, is it not possible to privately message you?

Strange, is it not possible to privately message you?

Strange, is it not possible to privately message you?

„Who is America?” a new series on Showtime by Sasha Baron Cohen. I just saw 2 episodes and I think this might just be the answer to a divided America. Hilarious!

Wow, Mars looks so beautiful tonight - like a giant orange star brightest in the night sky. It’s almost as though Mars is playing some twisted joke on Americans with that orange color.  

I just read your post on Mordreds feed about the dielectric field in star trek. You sir made my day, LoL ! 

So there's fear of commitment, and there's separation anxiety disorder. Here's a bit of a story on how I am regarding relationships ... As a background, you may want to know that I suffer(ed) from major depressive disorder, and am being treated with bupropion and venlafaxine (the latter is being decreased).

I've had 2 relationships, both of which lasted about 2.5 months. Rather quickly during these 'relationships', I found that it demanded way more of me than it was worth to me: it was not "profitable" for me, as I felt energetically drained without being resupplied. After a while, I couldn't help but think (in both cases) "Ugh, just stop texting me and leave me alone for 5 minutes, can I please have my own time?", which to me is a signal that makes me start wondering if the partner is indeed the right partner for me. I felt more as their idol, than their intimate partner. Which might indicate some sort of fear of commitment.

But that one is not so problematic to me. I know it will go away at some time. What's a much greater issue to me, and what may destroy me mentally, is something I experience very quickly with people, probably a separation anxiety disorder. I've been on Tinder for a while, and I've dated some persons. We usually chat very much, and we get to know each other a lot. Now here's this one person I met once, and still know, and still probably will be dating for some while (hopefully). Someone I really started appreciating. I was looking forward to our first date. Because he seemed a very nice guy to me, he was handsome, smart, and funny in his own way. But I couldn't help but think of him as an arrogant douchebag when he greeted me, almost apathically, with an equally apathical "Hello", when he regularly checked his phone, when he didn't seem to care about anything I said. Until I found out that he's rather ... special, to communicate with. Extraordinary. He seemed much at ease and loom, as if he might have used drugs - which he didn't. It's just his personality. The moment where I came to appreciate him, was when he began telling me his history. Some things we had in common. We've both been raised by autistic parents, in a rather toxic environment, and he also suffer(ed/s) from MDD, and took the exact same medication. We had bound; an awkward bond, but a bond nonetheless. He didn't say as much as I did, and yet I started liking him. We could share our love for dogs, for Scandinavia, our medication, our family, our academic interests, and much more. We left the fastfood restaurant, buyed an ice cream, and sat on a stone little wall, at about hip height. And we talked a bit more, we laughed a lot more, we pretended to leave, ironically/cynically saying "Bye" in a most apathical way. For about 500 times, pretending to walk away, yet turning around again. And then, it was time for him to leave. He would go grab his bike. "Bye", I chuckled. And he smirked. ... ... "Would you ... like, perhaps ... Want to join me to my bike?"; and of course, I did. Then he could've taken the chance to leave on his bike, as wanting to leave was the impression he  intended to give insincerely, but he didn't. We walked the same path up until the point where we had to take another route. After talking for a long time at that point, and saying goodbye for about a thousand times, no hugs, kisses or whatever, we left. No hugs or kisses, but I was at peace; I was satisfied and at ease. And most definitely, I wanted to have another date. First sort of big mistake: kind of insisting to let me know whether he enjoyed it or not, even though I could've told myself that he did like it. Altogether he didn't appreciate being asked whether he liked it or not, and told me that it didn't matter. So I accepted it. A few weeks later, after the exams had ended, we agreed to go out again. Let the stereotypes roll in: a night at the movies. Well, evening. Going to the movies (Love, Simon; for the interested), where we both appeared to be about equally emotionally affectable when we sat there, subtly snorting. Going to have dinner together, aka snack bar time. Where we had another great time. After having finished our meals, we went outside. Saying an equally "Bye" as the previous time we met, and turning our backs to one another. However, upon leaving, we stumbled upon someone. Someone I'd recognised. Someone who had recognised me as well. Someone "my date" appeared to know. Someone I had recognised from having matched on Tinder. After kiddingly saying "bye", I turned around, and "my date" didn't. He walked away with the guy we commonly recognised, in the opposite direction as I. Before crossing the street, he quickly looked back, and I made him clear that I was confused, not knowing what had happened, but he didn't return, yet continued walking away. Fury. Fear. Torment. Pain. Confusion. Sadness. Nausea. I didn't know what to feel most, or first. I didn't know what had happened, and impulsively grabbed my phone and texted him right away. "Are you kidding me? You really did plan on meeting 2 Tinder matches at about the same time? This is some next-level shit; thanks for mating my antidepressants useless for the night being."

I don't know how I was supposed to feel, so I walked a bit. Sat down somewhere on a bench. My eyes went quite watery and I sobbed a bit. Trying to hold it in, not wanting to attract too much attention from all passers-by, I felt myself being ripped apart from all the stuff I was thinking about him. What was he doing? Did he indeed meet with 2 guys on the same evening? What would they be doing now? I couldn't imagine it, and if I could, I couldn't hold it in much longer. Yes, I'd call myself devastated back then. For about 1.5 hours, complete silence. And then he texted me back, well, on Messenger. Didn't read my text messages yet. "Acted" that nothing was wrong. Again, I was confused. I asked him what that was all about. "What?" Well, you know, walking away with someone I clearly recognised from Tinder ... Who, after a long discussion, appeared to be one of his best friends ... Who he had not foreseen coming there at that time. It was not his intention to leave at first, until I walked away a bit too far to make it a "kidding goodbye". So he walked away, too. A long discussion, after which I asked him if we could give it another chance after some time. And he agreed. He said that he didn't have much time; which was true, given that he's leaving for a congress tomorrow ... And that the plan was indeed to go to the movies and to catch a meal. And now we're doing normal again. To the extent possible. This was yesterday.

Today he asked me what all the dramaqueen stuff was all about yesterday. And indeed, I made assumptions, and I didn't give him any chance to "defend" himself, or to explain what really happened. He said I acted quite "claiming", especially given that we'd seen each other only for the second time. And I agree. I was indeed very claiming; and am, perhaps, rather than was. But now, we're good, and I'm going to try to feel okay with anything similar to happen. I made assumptions that were not necessarily true, and it is indeed possible that they knew each other for a long time, Tinder excluded.

But today, all of a sudden, I was thinking back at how I felt, at what I was thinking that they could have been doing together if indeed they planned on meeting each other (through Tinder, that is) that very evening. And I sobbed again. For the umpteenth time in my life, I got attached to someone way too quickly, and it destroys me even thinking about the idea of losing him.

For anyone who actually succeeded in reading this whole damn text, the hell can I do? I'm not planning on letting him go, and I have to loosen up a bit. Definitely. But how, without having to feel wrecked? Does this sound like a classic separation anxiety disorder?

So we went to the "Equality Parade" here today downtown Warsaw with our 2 year old. 30C mid day, a very nice combination of various political/LGBT movements forming a great party like function with trucks playing music, body painted attractive people dancing, etc. Our 2 year old decided that he's going to take charge of the whole thing. He especially wanted to go up dancing with all the girls in bikinis and boys with six packs in one of the trucks...his hysteria stopped one of the trucks and one of the dancer girls had to come down to calm him down which ofcourse didn't work out. So we had a fight me and and my girl and we left pissed all three of us walking with the stroller to the car. Family life is such a blessing.